My Job

My name is Karla. Soon to be Karla Carlston. I am 23 years old, I love to read, watch movies, be with my friends and family, get caught up in silly TV series, etc. I don’t enjoy partying and can be somewhat of a recluse. Yet if you know me you would probably never know that unless you REALLY knew me. I am a confident, happy, independent individual. I don’t let people walk all over me, I stand my ground, I am sassy and bold. And I also have one of the truly hardest and most rewarding jobs (in my opinion).

Let me tell you about my job. My typical day consists of working with children—lots of children. I am a healer. I have consistent complaints of tiny paper cuts, bloody noses, irritated bowels—you get the picture.

I also teach social skills. I patch up friendships. I dry tears. I heal hurt feelings. I practice how to properly behave in society at a young age. I prepare them socially for the world. I listen to constant and I mean CONSTANT complaints of bullying, physical aggression, and whatever else comes. I also hold small social circles where we learn to talk kindly to each other, uplift one another, and talk about how bullying makes us feel only to do it all over again the next day.

Oh and that’s just the first of it. I also juggle administrator expectations, government laws, and parent needs for these tiny humans. There are tests to run, papers to compile, and little pay to go around to fulfill the needs an expectations of my job.

I am also responsible for the learning environment, the brain development, and the comprehension of each child that passes through my doors.

That’s right. I am a teacher. A hardworking, underpaid, underappreciated teacher. A teacher who can’t “leave work at home”, a teacher who needs 2 months off in the summer just to sleep, recuperate, and get back into the daily grind. A teacher without the means to fill the empty stomachs of poverty stricken children, or to buy them new clothes when they come to school reeking of dog or smoke.

So for those that think that we just sit around and color, do arts and crafts, and get 2 months off in the summer to just “relax”—think again. Come be in my classroom for 1 hour. 1 day. 1 week. Come see what it means to be a teacher. It is so much more than it is made out to be. Being a teacher requires responsibility and confidence. 22 children looking to you for support, comfort, relief, education, entertainment, kindness, love, and a gentle heart. And that is a job worth doing.

There are the days where you just want to leave the room. Your lesson plans that you worked all night on aren’t going as you thought. Or your class refuses to follow directions and just talks over your tired hoarse voice. Or your aching back feels the need to give out from constantly bending over to a 6 year old level, tying shoes, or sitting in chairs too small for you. These are the days when you often feel the desire to give up. Where you don’t feel like you are enough for them.

But then there are the days that little arms wrap around your waist, just because. And precious eyes look up at you and tell you on the way out the door “I’m going to miss you when I go home.” Or when you sit your students down after a long day of hurt feelings and have them say something nice about each other, because at that moment social skills are more important than subtraction or handwriting. As you watch your students, in this “friend circle”, say nice things about each other you see them relax, lean into each other, and smile. Or the days when you learn that children are the most loving and forgiving creatures in this world.

Or the moment when your students are walking out the door making friends with each other because of your example, your teaching, your person.

My name is Karla. I am a 23 year old teacher. I love my job. I ask for respect for the teachers that have affected you. For the teachers that have been in your life, your families lives, for those that work day and night to enrich the lives of children. The soon to be leaders of the world. Smile at us, encourage us. We need it just as much as the children do.

The Joy of Brothers

Some days I really miss my brother. Today slapped me with this excruciating pain and longing for my goofy, sensitive, caring brother who, if you didn't know, is serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in South Carolina. He loves it and I love that he is there and all. I could not be more proud of him and what he is doing. Yet, days like today, out of the clear blue....I start bawling and I mean bawling. I think my life is moving so quickly and I want to share it all with him. However as I thought those selfish thoughts today I realized that my brother needs uplifting words, not "I miss you"'s. He missed his other "sister"'s wedding this weekend. That was really hard for him--as he said in his email today. So I sat down to write him a letter reminding him that the work he is doing is the Lord's work. That he is the Lord's hands. That the Lord will not leave him comfortless in his dedicated service to the children of God. 

I am grateful for brothers. I am grateful for family. I am grateful for the freedom of religion. I am grateful for prayer. Mostly, today I am grateful for a brother like Willson. I could not have asked for a better friend to walk me through this life. Having a missionary away from home for two years can be very hard at times--especially when he is your own sibling-- but it is so worth it. I wrote him and told him that while he has been gone he has not only been other peoples saving grace, but many many times in the past 16.5 months he has been mine. 

Life is Full

There have been many blessings that have entered my life recently. I have learned to rely on patience and to rely on the Lord in all that I do. I find that when I think I can get through things on my own is often when I need to turn to Him the most. I am preparing to enter into my career. Something that I have prepared for for over 4 years of university schooling, and honestly my entire life. If you know me, you know that children and I seem to be natural friends. Teaching, and even just being in front of people speaking is something I was blessed with. And now here I am. I am going to be an educator. I teacher. A friend. A help. A coach. An adoptive mother. And a loving pair of arms to encircle children with love and warmth. Shelter from the storms they face. I have a huge load on my plate, I am frightened at the load of this responsibility, I am young and fearful. Yet, I am brave, I am an instrument, and I am so capable.

My family and dear friends have been reminding my of that daily. They have been encouraging me and comforting me as I express my feelings of inadequacy and weakness. They have loved me and hugged me through tears and endless preparation.

And now as I sit and reflect I realize all of the many blessings around me. I find strength in seeing the tender mercies that surround me daily. Many of the tender mercies are PEOPLE. People that bless my life daily through old or new friendships, family ties, or sweet romance. Each plays a crucial part in my daily living, and I would not be able to continue on without their love and support. Thank goodness for a life full of PEOPLE. Friends. Family. Love. I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank goodness for the opportunity I have been given (at such a young age--fresh out of college) to teach children. To be an instrumental educator. Yes, life is full.

Fresh love :)

Years of friendship.

Baby love :)

Best mom award. 

Love having him by my side.

Best friends. Cousins :) 

Love my girls!

Life doesn't get much better than this--especially with this guy. 

Here is to new adventures! 

Humble Correction

I recently came upon this beautiful talk by Richard G. Scott. I read it and was deeply humbled. I have been looking in all of the wrong places, I have been self-absorbed, and I now see the importance of accepting the will of the Father. Trust Him. Love Him. All is well, all is well. 

"Your Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son love you perfectly. They would not require you to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit or for that of those you love." -Richard G. Scott (Trust in the Lord) 


Proverbs 3: 11-12  "My son, despise not the ^achastening of the Lord; neither be weary of his correction:

 12 For whom the Lord loveth he ^acorrecteth; even as a ^bfather the son in whom he delighteth."

I am grateful for the gentle corrections of the Lord, I am grateful that He corrects me daily to be better. Grateful for apostles that live today to give us these tender reminders. 

Happy Sunday

Link to talk (highly recommend! Incredible read!) 

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1995/10/trust-in-the-lord?lang=eng

In the Words of Dr. Seuss

Well here I am, I know it has been a while. I have been caught up in moving from Taylorsville to Provo (just for the summer), receiving amazing news that I got my first teaching job!, and visiting my family in California. It has been an interesting past several weeks, but I am grateful for the changes up and coming in my life. There are many blessings in store ahead of me. 

As my time in California comes to a quick close, I find myself AWAKE when I so desperately want to be ASLEEP, so I turned to blogging to try and lull myself to dreamland eventually. I have been doing some pretty intense reflecting since I have been in my hometown. Being around my family tends to make me look inward and realize my true potential and remind myself of who I really am. I have been so overwhelmed with love from my extended family, friends, and immediate family sending me well wishes and embracing me while whispering in my ear "you are such a special person", "I love you so much", and of course the "whoever gets you is the luckiest man alive" speech. 

As I have reflected on this I realized something profound. I realized that when you love somebody you have to show it, you have to make it so clear that they never doubt it. You have to ensure that they feel your love constantly. That is what a family does. I think of my mom who not only shows it through her packages and hugs and kisses, but in her selfless service and example as well. Whether I am near or far I never doubt the love my mother has for me. Or my sweet father who doesn't always express himself the best with words, but will send me cute love texts of the song he wrote me the day I was born to remind me that he is thinking of me. Then there is my darling brother, my missionary, that tells me every week through email what an amazing sister I am and that the more time he spends away from me the more he realizes what a blessing I am in his life and what it truly means to be a best friend. 

So I guess what I really have come to learn is when you have someone in your life that means the world to you, show it. Cherish them and make sure that they know it. Never have them question how you feel about them, even when you think they know. 

I feel like the world has been bringing me down recently with "you must look this way", or "you must eat this" or "you must act this way" or "you aren't really happy until you have completed this", when in reality the matters of the world are not important at all, the views of how others see me doesn't and shouldn't matter. And yet somehow they do. I found myself never feeling "good enough", "skinny enough", "pretty enough", "fashionable enough". When I reflected I realized that has never really mattered to me, and why should it now? I feel as if I somewhat lost sight of that recently. 

Being home has reminded me that families are not perfect and neither are people. Heck, I come from a family full of misfits, and yet we all are close and love each other because we make it clear that love is the center of our family. No matter what the other goes through, or how someone looks, acts, or smells, we are bonded in the sense that we are a family engulfed in love. We love each other and we tell each other every single time we see each other, every end of a text conversation, every end of the phone call. We just call to say "I love and miss you". We genuinely care for the other and we make it known. We don't judge each other off of our appearance, we don't underestimate our ability to succeed. Instead we support one another, and we are unified because of it. 



Growing up in California was blissful and being here these 10 days has been blissful as well. So many hugs, so many laughs, and so many "I love you's", I wouldn't have it any other way. We may all come in different shapes and sizes, with different personalities, with different ways of cleaning our homes, different ways of expression, but we are all unified in one thing: Love. We show it in our own ways and time, but we all love each other, and that, my friends, is all that really matters: to love and be loved in return, and to be yourself because everybody else is taken. 

In more plain and simple terms here are the things I am thinking In the Words of Dr. Seuss:

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” 

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?”

“So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains.” 

“I am weird, you are weird. Everyone in this world is weird. One day two people come together in mutual weirdness and fall in love.” 

“To the world you may be one person; but to one person you may be the world.” 
“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
Nothing is going to get better. It's not.” 

Expect the Unexpected

I like to consider myself a planner. I am efficient, reliable, and capable of making decisions that will ultimately have a large effect on my future. However, often times the unexpected happens. I am beginning to realize that there are many things in my life that have been unexpected but tremendous. I often stumble into situations or people that will in turn affect my life forever. I am learning that instead of analyzing the situation to death and basically shredding it to pieces with my girl emotions, it is better to enjoy the moment and to expect the unexpected. There are reasons why some things work out and others don't. There are reasons why people enter your life at the precise moment they are needed, whether you realize they are needed or not. For example, there are reasons why a sweet man will come into your life and heal your broken heart just as you are starting to lose your faith in men. See? Unexpected but tremendous :)

There are reasons why teaching is challenging but extremely rewarding. I went into student teaching expecting a much different experience then the one I am currently having. And in all honesty, I wouldn't have experienced student teaching the way I had originally thought. This experience is much more fitted to me and what I need. Often times the unexpected is what we least expect because we haven't yet realized that we need to experience it. The unexpected is often more thrilling, challenging, and uncertain--but in the end it is the most rewarding, fulfilling, and instrumental in bringing us closer to discovering who we are. 

I am grateful for the unexpected, it keeps me humble and teachable. I expect to continue to have unexpected tremendous moments to carry me through this life. 

Hearts of the Children

I am currently teaching special education. I have somewhere around 40 students that I service daily. They are split up into groups and we push into the classroom so they can stay integrated and so we can service many more students. I teach reading, writing, and math daily. There are days (especially like today) where I feel like I am dragging my feet and can barely sit up straight. Days where I think to myself: "if I have to say 'Sit on your pockets', or 'stop touching my things', or 'wait for my signal' one more time, I think I might just lay on the floor and cry". However during those moments and those days there are little tiny moments that build or happen throughout the day that remind me how much I love this profession. Moments that whisper to me "this is why you are here". 

Today one of my students, a second grader, was doing math with the group I was teaching. We were working on a problem and he became frustrated. He looked at his paper and said "I'm dumb." I gasped audibly and said "Look at me. You are not dumb. I am your teacher, and you are definitely not dumb." I proceeded to ask him if anyone had said that to him recently, etc. He didn't respond. I looked at him and said, "You listen to me, if anyone ever tells you you are dumb or you start thinking you are dumb, you tell them 'My teacher, Ms. Horne, says I am smart, and that is all that matters.'" He put his head down and began to cry. I'm not sure if it was from the shame of being called dumb, or gratitude that he felt for my confidence in him. Whatever it was, it was too much emotion for an 8 year old to handle. 

Another child from the group spoke up and said that sometimes on his way home from school people call him dumb. My heart dropped as I looked over these beautiful and capable children in my group. I realized how tender hearted and fragile these children really are. They may act tough and sassy, but they are really only 8 years old. 8 years of living in this life and on this earth. Only 8 years of experiences, and they are already being called "dumb" or in other words incapable. 

I would not have it. I stopped my lesson, only for a moment, and said "Every one listen to me for a minute. You are all smart and capable children. You know how I know that? Because I am your teacher and I work with you every day. I SEE how smart you are!" I then told them that if anyone called them dumb they were to say 'No I am not. My teacher says I am smart, and that is ALL that matters.'

They all sat up a little straighter and repeated what I said. We continued with the lesson and the original little boy wiped away his tears and was able to complete the problem. 

Be careful with the hearts of the children, they are our future. Don't be a cause in what can sometimes be permanent damage. Everyone is capable of success. 



Ms. Horne in Kindergarten :)